Crashing Down

Jesus is beautiful. 

People have different ideas about who Jesus is. 

Prophet, but not the Son of God. 

Good man. 

Good teacher. 

Lunatic. 

The world's greatest salesman. 

Feminine coward who let people kill him.

Weak. 

Co-pilot. 

Homeboy.  

Genie.

I think this last one, a genie, is where a lot of us church people get hung up at. We usually only pray to God when it's in our best interest. We are loving life when it is good, but go running to him when life gets bad. We start going to church more (maybe even bible class), praying that he will fix all of our problems for us and get us out of this pickle. 

When circumstances aren't so hard anymore, all of a sudden he doesn't seem as important. 

[I'm not going to blow your mind with anything theological here, I'm really just talking to myself and rambling, which my husband will tell you I'm really good at.] ;)

God doesn't love us more or less depending upon the amount we pray to him, because he knows everything about us anyways and is sovereign over all. He will lead us where he wills regardless if we ask him to or not. 

I think praying to God is commanded in scripture because it's in OUR best interest, and it changes our hearts in a way that only prayer can do. It makes US softer towards God and towards others, not the other way around. So in a way, God commands us to do something that is good for us. 

How awesome is that, right? 

I mean, we could just be little robots walking around not talking to him and he is sovereign so he orchestrates things as he pleases, but he invites us, commands us, to interact with him of our own free will. And in that, God is lovely. 

But back to my main point (Because I really did go off on a tangent). 

The other day, I was working in the kitchen, baking and doing dishes, ya know, stuff you do while working in the kitchen, and all of a sudden, Jesus crashed down into my life. 

Here's what I mean. (It's metaphorical and literal, too.)

We have a cross hanging in our kitchen that is made out of the letters of Jesus. It was a gift of a dear friend from Honduras, in case you were wondering :)

It isn't exactly like this, but pretty close. 

Anyways, I was ho-humming around the kitchen, and out of nowhere, this cross made up of the letters of Jesus literally crashed down right into my face! 

And I chuckled to myself, because even though it was a literal crashing down, it is metaphorical as well. 

Going about our daily lives, sometimes Jesus just comes and crashes down out of nowhere, and it is when we least expect it. 

If you know him, you will find this is a beautiful thing. 

He crashes down into an argument with our spouse. 

He crashes down into sleepless nights with babies. 

He crashes down into two-word conversations with toddlers. 

He crashes down into dirty laundry, doing dishes, changing diapers. 

He crashes down into our loneliness. 

He crashes down into our busy-ness. 

He crashes down into time spent with friends. 

He crashes down into long car rides. 

He crashes down into holidays and vacations. 

He crashes down into family drama. 

He crashes down into our good days. 

He crashes down into our bad days. 

He crashes down when we least expect it.

He crashes down into our sin. 

He crashes down into our pride. 

He crashes down into our anger. 

He crashes down into our self-righteousness. 

He crashes down into our gossip. 

He crashes down into our finances. 

He crashes down into our schedules. 

He crashes down into our relationships. 

He crashes down into our homes, and yes, even our kitchens. 

In all of this, I always remember the beginning of James 4:6, speaking of God: 

"But HE gives more grace..."

May I be a picture of His grace to my home & family, to the church & to the world. 

Une Belle Femme

Think about the most beautiful woman you know.

Think about une belle femme.

Not beautiful as in Jennifer Aniston, or Julia Roberts, who both possess outward beauty.

Think of someone you know in real life who is a very picture of beauty and grace.
A woman who everyone loves to be around because she exudes femininity and glows with warmth and comfort.

You may be wondering what her secret is. And no matter who it is you are thinking of, I can tell you what her secret is.

Are you ready for this?

The secret of a beautiful woman is that she affirms male headship in her life.

Wait, what? Did I really just say that? Yes, I did. In fact, it is so important, that not only is it in bold, underlined, larger and in a different color, I am going to say it again.

The secret of a beautiful woman is that she affirms male headship in her life.

Yes, I really did, and yes, I really mean it. Now all you feminists out there can go pound on your bed and scream in your pillow because "female oppression" still exists.


I) A beautiful woman submits to and affirms the male headship of God.

Without this first thing, a woman is not beautiful. I don't care if she is a Kardashian sister or Sports Illustrated's latest swimsuit model. A beautiful woman knows that God is in control and she is not. She submits her heart and life to him. She loves him. She cherishes his words to her. She knows and affirms that yes, God is male, and yes, he has authority over her life. She relishes in his love and in his sovereignty and care over her.


II) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her father. 

A beautiful woman acknowledges that her father is the head of the family, and submits to him as long as she is living in his household. She encourages him to lead (sometimes as only daughters can) and allows him to care for her in a way that blesses both of them. After she is married, she honors and respects him as her father even as she is no longer under his authority.


III) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her husband. 

A beautiful woman seeks to let her man lead her in every way - spiritually, financially, emotionally (to name a few). She is not bossy or pushy or loud or rude. She does not emotionally manipulate. She is open, honest and transparent. She does not harbor feelings of resentment towards him, storing up bad things in the past to launch at him when he messes up (which he will). She does not dangle sex over his head as a bribe or reward for good behavior, or withhold sex as a punishment for (what she deems) bad behavior. She does not use her emotions in a false way, and evaluates her words for encouragement and building up her man. Single ladies are beautiful women by seeking to affirm the male headship of their future husbands by cultivating the inclination to submit to her man when he comes along or by submitting to other men in positions of authority over her such as her father, her boss, and/or her pastor.


IV) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her brother and/or son. 

A beautiful woman does not submit to her brother or her son in the same way that she does submit to her husband, but she should still be affirming their masculinity in a right way. A beautiful woman encourages her brothers and her sons (and her spiritual brothers as well) to lead in a right way. She is able to help them practice for when they have wives of their own. She should be seeking to serve them where she is able. She complements their masculinity as she is in a unique position to be cherished and loved for who she is without having to submit to their role in her life. She should guide all men who come into contact with her into a way of masculinity as she supports and embraces her own role of femininity.


V) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her pastor and elders. 

A beautiful woman recognizes the authority of her pastor over her spiritually and submits to his leadership of the church. She seeks to use her womanly qualities and abilities to serve in the church where needed and where appropriate, and has an open line of communication with the pastor. She does not complain behind his back or whine about the length of the sermons, but affirms his preaching and teaching to everyone everywhere. She invites people to her church. She does not need to agree with him on everything, but should submit to his role of authority over her life.


We women bear the image of God in the same way that men do, but in a different way. Our encouragement of masculinity will differ in regards to our relationships with the men in our lives, but let us affirm men in their roles as men no matter if they are one or one hundred.

A Man's Man

I have been blessed these past four years to be married to a man's man.

He is by no means perfect (obviously), but he is a stand-up guy, and a great husband and father. I tell him all of this in real life by the way, but he never believes me.

I debated writing this post because husband-lauding and wife-lauding is usually overdone and exaggerated, and mostly untrue, and the people doing it are usually overcompensating for something they are lacking in their real life, so they make up for it on social media.

I decided to go ahead and write this post, not because I don't have anything better to do, but because I have seen so many examples of wimpy men lately, and my husband is so NOT a wimpy man, that I think he should be an example (which he is in real life, of course).

Here is what a man's man does:

He provides.
No ifs, ands, or buts. Scripture says the man who does not provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever. I have been blessed to have a man that views this seriously, and he doesn't ever expect me to work outside the home if I don't want to. He squarely shoulders the responsibility of putting food on the table, of bringing home the bacon so to speak. He has a job that he loves, and has worked hard to get where he is today. A family should be able to live off of a man's salary, and the wife's income, if any, should be supplemental only. (Let the criticism begin!)

He protects.
Many people think of this as non-applicable unless someone is physically trying to hurt your family. That is untrue. Protecting means guarding your family not only physically from harm's way, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Of course my husband locks the doors when he leaves in the morning, drives carefully, sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door, and would be the first line of defense if someone were to break into our house. But to protect something is not largely defensive; it's offensive, it's aggressive. It's the act of preparing and already taking care of something so that when disaster does strike, tragedy doesn't happen. For example, you put a case around your phone so that when it does inevitably drop down concrete stairs, your phone is protected and not broken. You don't catch the phone while it is falling and place a case around it, you know? Real men protect their woman and children by shielding the blows of the outside world and preparing them (mostly with good theology) to handle disaster.

He servant-leads. 
This is a tricky one, but very biblical. He leads by serving. Through serving, he shows true and great leadership. I see my man servant-leading in the church and at home everyday. Serving comes in many different forms and looks different for every family, but it ultimately means putting the needs of others above his own. In our home, serving me means eating out sometimes so I don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning up dinner after a long day with the kids, or watching the boys for me so I can shower, or clean, or run errands. One time it meant after we had a fight, he still brought home my very favorite kind of bagel, because it was a way to serve me. It showed he still valued me and put me above his own self even when he didn't "feel" like it.

He disciples.
This is a big one. This is a HUGE one. My lovely man's man told me just the other day, "I don't care if I hurt your feelings because I am trying to disciple you and that is more important than your feelings." Ouch. And you know what? He is right. I needed to hear that, because I am his absolute number one disciple. If my feelings are going to be hurt that he calls out my sin where he sees it, then that needs to happen. Killing sin is more important than my feelings. He also disciples his children. He teaches us good theology through conversation and by example. How does he handle life? We are teaching our oldest son that it is not okay to whine. We are not raising wimpy men. Men need to be strong and tough, because (see above) they need to provide and protect their families.

His identity is found in Christ.
This is not only the cause for all of the above, but for many other things as well. My man's man is well-grounded. He has GREAT theology. The things of this world may shake him, but they never knock him down because he has a firm foundation. Since his identity is in Christ, he never expects me to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his children to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his job, his schooling, his house, his car, his bank account, his schedule, or hobbies to live up to perfection. He knows that only Jesus is perfect and he can rest in Him. His joy is complete, being found in Christ and His work on the cross.

My man's man does not complain. He does not whine. He does not feel entitled. He is honest. He is transparent. He works hard. He mans up and takes on responsibility. He cares for us.  He is strong, but he is tender. He loves us fiercely. He pictures Christ to his family, to his church, and to the world.

What more could a woman ask for?

Thoughts on Making the [Church's] Bed

Ok, so once again my faults may benefit somebody else out there, so here goes.

A couple of weeks ago, when I first started this blog, I published my cleaning/chore list for the week, the days I would do them, etc.

I fail pretty often, and this is one of those times.

And here are my concluding thoughts as we read "Chore List's Obituary."

Dear Chore List,
It's not you, it's me. Well, really, it's my husband. You see, he doesn't care about you. At all. He doesn't care if the bathroom floors are scrubbed every week. He doesn't care how I organize things, as long as I know where they are. He doesn't care which days I do laundry, clean the bathtub, or bathe the dog. And so, I must lay you to rest for the sake of my family.
Sincerely, Me

Here was the problem. I love a clean home (reference my very first post). That's not the problem. The problem was, I thought in my mind that I was serving my family in the best way by giving them a clean home at all times. But, I was only serving me. My sons and husband do not care about cleanliness as much as I do. They don't want to live like slobs (obviously), but my cleanliness was interfering with my ability to serve them in the ways they would appreciate more, and not ways I would appreciate more.

For example, my husband likes when I actually shower, get dressed, and do my hair and makeup for the day (Imagine that!). The problem was, on heavy cleaning days, I would get distracted and he would come home and I would still be in what I affectionately call my work clothes, and what the rest of the world calls sweatpants.

And so, I have now resolved to be more flexible in my cleaning (by throwing out the schedule) to better serve my family & husband by actually getting ready every day and not worrying about super perfect cleanliness.

NOW.

Let me leave you with this charge.

In what ways are you clinging to a chore list in your home life or church life?

What areas are you serving in? Are you doing it because you think it serves other people, but it's really only serving yourself?

Open your eyes. Look around. What are the real needs of the people closest to you? What would they like in the way of service? Ask them. What does God require in the way of service? Ask Him.

This is a tricky one, because in many ways we think we are serving God and others, when really we are just serving in the way we like to serve. Ouch. Chew on that for a while.

If we are not willing to lay down or effectively kill our chore lists for the sake of our families, then our chore lists have become our idols. If we are not willing to be flexible and adapt to the ever-changing needs of our families and church bodies, then what type of service is that? I'll tell you -  Idol worship.

And that's hard to hear, because many of us like to serve, which is a good thing. The problem comes when our service becomes our ultimate thing that we are finding value and worth in. If you cannot lay your service down and walk away from it, then it's a problem.

So go re-evaluate your life and your service. Ask your family and your church in what ways you can serve them best. And if you need to, kill your chore list.

Don't stop serving, but maybe tweak it a little so you're more bearable to those around you.

At the very least, get dressed for the day. 

Church Family

Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. - Lilo & Stitch

I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts, so stick with me. We will see where this goes.

This has been bothering me lately - the fact that church isn't viewed as a family.
Families are the foundation of societies, the keeper of generations past, the strongest relationships one will ever have, and the fertile soil on which spiritual growth flourishes.

Church today is viewed as a business. People come with the thoughts of: How can this work for me? Are these people going to be friendly towards me and my family? How can I keep my skeletons hidden in my closet? What programs will cater to my needs? What programs will cater to my children's needs? What can the church do to serve me? Churches then fall into this trap: How can we market or advertise ourselves so more people will come? Who can we hire to maintain our cool image and keep up with modern design? How can we attract wealthier clients to give more towards our "cause"?

How about family? I don't know about you, but our family is messy. We don't all like the same things. We are loud, we are crazy, we are late to things, we are obnoxious, and we get on each other's nerves. We are brutally honest, we rebuke each other and we fight.

BUT

We repent. We are forgiving. We give grace and apply grace to every area of each other's lives. We cover each other in love, and at the end of the day, we always say "I love you." We laugh with each other, cry with each other, grieve with each other. We fight for each other. We are loved and we are accepted. We are blessed.

When there is a problem, you try to find a solution. You compromise. When you fight with someone, you work it out, make up, and continue on better for the experience. It doesn't help to just leave or walk out, because at some point you have to come back to your family and the longer it continues on, it could get awkward. (Especially if you run into them at the grocery store, for crying out loud!)

Any family that is a broken family will tell you that it hurts. It hurts when people that you love leave you. It hurts when they go and try to find solace somewhere else, or with someone else. The family will say, but we laughed with you, cried with you, celebrated with you, grieved with you, mourned with you, helped you, fought for you. We loved you! And the person who leaves is basically saying it wasn't enough.

You weren't good enough for me.

Um, Excuse me? I wasn't good enough for you? We weren't good enough for you? Just exactly who do you think you are?

Jesus Christ came to this earth to die for his church. He relentlessly pursues her, despite her flaws and failings. We have to be conformed to Christ and His image, and to do that, we must love what he loves. Guess what he loves? HIS CHURCH. It's messy. It's flawed. It fails in many ways. But as long as the preaching of the Word of God is maintained, the Holy Spirit will do his work. None of us are perfect, which makes for a very imperfect church. But trust the gospel. The preaching of the gospel always brings change. The church is ever evolving, ever changing, for the better. If you don't like how your church family does things exactly, stick around. Change will come.

But you don't leave your family because you don't like the same music as they do. You don't leave your family because you had a disagreement with your parents. That's called being immature in the real world. It's called not facing the music. But for some reason, when it comes to the church family, it is completely accepted.

And if you are reading this and are even considering the possibility of bailing on your church family, this is your sign. DON'T DO IT. Stop. Repent of your pride and your selfishness and your sin. Go to your family, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. If there needs to be some changes in your church, work hard to make them happen. Don't rely on leadership to do or think of everything. It takes all members of the body to function. And if that means I am a little toe toenail, then so be it. I need my little toe toenail, thank you very much. Without it, I would look weird.

If this post made you uncomfortable, good. We accept you and we love you, but we will tell it like it is.

Welcome to the family. 

A Beautiful Poem for Mother's Day

The Wide Spectrum of Mothering 

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you.

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you.

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of
food stains – we appreciate you.

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running
away—we mourn with you.

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears,
and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you.

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate
with you.

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children –
we sit with you.

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you.

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we
acknowledge your experience.

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of
motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst.

To those who have aborted children - we remember them and you on this day.

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children -
we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.

To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths.

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren, yet that dream is not to
be - we grieve with you.

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice
with you.

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we
anticipate with you.

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and
we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

By Amy Young (http://messymiddle.com)

The Home of Sacred Cows

Our pastor, Kevin McGuire, preached an amazing message yesterday morning about the Sacred Cows we have in our local churches.

Sacred Cow (noun): a structure or format that we put our ultimate value or worth in; see also, idol. [Term is derived from the golden calf account in Exodus 32.]

A sacred cow is something we place our ultimate identity in instead of Christ. Pastor Kevin expounded on sacred cows in the church such as youth group, senior citizens class, AWANA club, or nursery. Some church members will worship these structures or formats instead of using them as tools to be more like Christ. All of these things are good things, but idols are formed when we place ultimate value on something that is not.

As a wife & mom, I started thinking about the sacred cows that I might be harboring in my heart with regard to my home. I take great pride in my home and in caring for my husband and children. However, what could easily become an idol in my life? What sacred cows are hiding out in my home? What sacred cows are hiding out in yours?

Here are a few cows to think about & consider:

1) Cleanliness
There is a saying "Cleanliness is next to godliness."While I appreciate a clean house (see previous post), is my idol of cleanliness interfering with my relationship to my children? Am I more concerned about the state of their rooms than the state of their hearts? Am I inhibiting their free play and passions because I am trying to make a good impression? They are my first houseguests - they are only here a while (a very long while, but a short time nonetheless). Am I making my home a place for them to enjoy?

2) Schooling Methods
Am I making an idol of the schooling method I choose for my children? Am I critical towards others for the decisions they make for their families? Do I believe all public-educated children are hoodlums or all homeschooled children are socially stunted? For a great blog on this subject check out http://writingandliving.net/2013/04/24/homeschool-versus-public-school-a-few-thoughts/#comment-14156

3) Organized sports/activities
Of course every parent wants their child to excel at something, whether it is art, cooking, music, or sports (to name a few). However, is your ambition for your child's passion helpful or harmful? What kind of message are you sending them about how important these activities or sports rank on your list of priorities? Are you more concerned about how many wins their team has or about how they handle the disappointment of losing? Are you taking your children out of church community to join a more important sports community? (PS - a note to dads: don't live vicariously through your child's sports. It's pathetic, really.)

4) Food
Ah, this is a big one. Are we making food a sacred cow in our homes? Food is good. Food is excellent. Jesus ate with his disciples several times throughout scripture. Jesus fed the five thousand (and more) at least twice. He ate with the sinners, the harlots and the tax collectors. Food is a ministry. Churches have food pantries, most have fellowship meals, and donuts in Sunday school. In the past two decades though, it seems like there have been sacred cows concerning food cropping up in our homes (so many food puns, lol). Organic this, vegan that. Don't give your kid fruit snacks or he will be obese the rest of his life. Don't you know what's in those things?! With food, there are often two extremes. One is worshipping the belly and giving it whatever it wants, whenever it wants, without any restraint whatsoever. The other extreme is becoming so strict with your diet that nobody wants to have your judgmental self over for dinner. Lets be honest. Are we to be responsible with our food? Yes, absolutely. Our body is given to us by God and we should be gracious stewards of it. On the other hand, are our food choices interfering with the ability to fellowship with our Christian brothers and sisters? Are we really going to break fellowship over whether we eat at whole foods market or McDonald's for dinner? What about our children? Will they see us lusting after food and stuffing our bellies with our idol, unable to practice self control in this area of our lives? Will they become resentful toward us for thinking they shouldn't eat any high fructose corn syrup whatsoever or they might die? Are we putting our children's health up high on a pedestal when they are fallen, frail, dying creatures who need Jesus more than anything? Food won't save our children. Feeding them the exact right diet won't prolong their lives an instant longer than God graciously allows them to live.

So lets eat, drink and be merry to the glory of God, for yesterday we were dead!

Cleaning Lists & Such

Disclaimer: This post may not apply to everyone, but I hope it proves helpful to those who are in the same position as me. 

I will admit it: I LOVE a clean house. I love cleaning my house. I love seeing things converted from disorderly & chaotic to clean & organized. That being said, I have been struggling with the feeling of needing to thoroughly clean my whole house every single day, and feeling unorganized and discouraged at the end of everyday when it isn't done because it is CLEARLY an unrealistic goal. 

I was trying to think of a way to effectively streamline cleaning my house with two very young chillens running around & needing me at random times throughout the day. Obviously anything that gets done is undone in a matter of five minutes (or even less, if we are being truly realistic). I have come up with a weekly list of making sure I thoroughly tackle each room at least once a week. 

The strategy: 

1) Write down things that need to be done on a daily basis & also a weekly basis. 
(Since we live in a small apartment, I don't have things that need to be done monthly, but I am sure I will when we move into a house.)

2) Write down the days of the week. 

3) REALISTICALLY (according to your family's schedule & needs) put down specific chores to be done each day of the week, so that your whole house is cleaned every week - just maybe not all at the same time! ;)

Now, I just did my list two days ago, so I haven't completed a whole week yet. It may be a complete failure. We shall see. But if this helps anyone in the slightest, I will feel accomplished (even if I don't feel accomplished in cleaning my house - ha). 

Here's my list as an example: 

Daily tasks: 

• Make Beds
• Tidy
• Dishes
• Vacuum high-traffic areas
• Fill Humidifiers

Weekly tasks: 

Monday: 

• Laundry Day
• Change sheets on all beds
• Clean bathrooms (toilet in/out, floor, counter, mirror)
• Clean kitchen/foyer floor
• Disinfect kitchen countertop/dining room table
• Deep clean/organize* kitchen & living room & living room closets

Tuesday: 

• Dust living room
• Dust bedrooms
• Sort mail/pay bills/file
• Gather all trash & carry to dumpster
• Deep clean/organize* bedroom & closet

Wednesday: 

• Baths/Pamper day (trimming nails, hair cuts, etc.)
• Deep clean/organize* boys' room & closet

Thursday: 

• Laundry Day
• Bathe Dallas
• Clean bathtub
• Clean bathroom surfaces
• Deep clean/organize* bathrooms & linen closet

Friday: 

• Cleaning catch-up day
• Grocery/Errands Day

Saturday: 

• Baths 
• Prepare for church

Sunday: 

• Rest :)

*Deep clean/organize means moving furniture to fully vacuum, making sure everything is organized in its place & also purging at least one thing from the room/closet

(Disclaimer #43: We bathe more than twice a week but the baths written are set in stone to prepare for church - more of a "deep clean" if you will!)