Why I'm Listening to Christmas Music in November

This year, my husband and I decided to bring a different approach to the holidays for our family.

In our churches, past and current, we have celebrated Advent on the four Sundays leading up to Christmas Day. For those not familiar with what Advent is, the following is taken from Wikipedia:

Advent is the season observed in many Western Christian churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas. The term "Advent" is an anglicized version of the Latin word adventus, meaning "coming".

Latin adventus is the translation of the Greek word parousia, commonly used to refer to the Second Coming of Christ. For Christians, the season of Advent anticipates the coming of Christ from two different perspectives. The season offers the opportunity to share in the ancient longing for the coming of the Messiah, and to be alert for his Second Coming.

Practices associated with Advent include keeping an Advent calendar, lighting an Advent wreath, praying an Advent daily devotional, as well as other ways of preparing for Christmas, such as setting up Christmas decorations.

 We will not only celebrate Advent in our church this year, but also in our home. We really want to stress the importance of the first and second coming of Christ to our children.

We will be lighting a candle each Sunday leading up to Christmas, starting November 29. The candles will be placed in a wreath, a perfect circle to symbolize the eternity of the triune Godhead. The first purple candle symbolizes expectation, the second purple candle symbolizes hope, and the third candle is pink and represents joy. The fourth purple candle is a representation of peace, and the white candle placed in the center is lit on Christmas Eve and is appropriately called the Christ Candle.

I am using these weeks leading up to Thanksgiving to really focus on preparing and planning for this Advent season, as I want to gift our children with one gift each Sunday that we light a candle. The gifts we give our children on Christmas Morning (most likely one or two) will be the "best" gifts in terms of maybe something they specifically asked for or that we know will bring them the most joy. This still keeps the Christmas Day special and something to look forward to, as the culmination of the season.

Not only does this method of celebration have a great benefit of spreading out gifts over a full month (to avoid emotional meltdowns and over-stimulation on Christmas Day, which leads to ingratitude and discontentment), but the main benefit is that it teaches our children that we celebrate the full Advent season. We  really would like to stress the importance to them of keeping Jesus in focus at all times, and that the only reason this season is special and a cause for celebration is because Jesus, who is God, already came to mankind once to die for the sins of the world, and that He is coming again to make all things right and new again.

Our celebration will most likely look something like this ::

Thursday, 11/26 - Prepare a Thanksgiving feast to celebrate the start of the season with family

Thanksgiving weekend - Decorate the house for the Advent/Christmas season

Sunday, 11/29 - The lighting of the first Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/6 - The lighting of the second Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/13 - The lighting of the third Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/20 - The lighting of the fourth Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Thursday, 12/24 - The lighting of the Christ Candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Friday, 12/25 - The celebration of Christmas with a breakfast feast, stockings & gifts

Since Thanksgiving is really the start of the Advent season, I am currently planning and preparing for the season and a fresh approach to the holidays. Planning is a gift that I personally give to my family, so that this holiday can run smoothly and as stress-free as possible. I am a huge fan of preparedness, no matter how big or small an event or project is. I believe planning shows true caring.

We want to find a different way to counteract the consumerism of the holidays, as the promises of materialism are always empty and broken. Christmas always seems to promise the fulfillment that only Jesus can give. We will still celebrate with gifts, because they point to the much greater gift we were given in the incarnation of Christ, but with a much stronger emphasis on why we give them (in celebration, in love & with joy, because of the one who gave everything he had to us first). 

And that's why I'm listening to Christmas music in November. :) 

A Tribute to My Little Men

I wanted to write this letter to you, Alex, Jack, and Haddon, to tell you how much I love you. I am amazed and in awe of the little people that you are, and who you are growing up to be. Of course you are sinners in rebellion against God right now, and I pray every day for Him to change you, but this letter isn't going to be about that. I acknowledge that enough in our day-to-day lives, and I promise I will try to protect you by not constantly complaining and telling others about your sin - we will keep that between us.

I know you are young, my sweet children. Your dad and I are looked at as crazy for having three of you under the age of four, but the truth is, we wanted you so close so that you would grow up to be the best of friends. Alex and Jack, you are already showing that friendship between you, most of the time. I love telling people that there is no Jack without Alex, or Alex without Jack. Of course, you have your days when you get on each other's nerves, but you are together pretty much around the clock every day of the week, so that's understandable. I am so excited for you, Haddon, to grow up to get to know your big brothers and to start interacting and playing with them.

I am greatly anticipating the long summer days of boyhood, of running outside and riding bikes and climbing trees, of building forts and discovering bugs and finding stars, and the sweaty foreheads that will be drinking lemonade around my kitchen table when you need a cool-down and a break. I want you three boys to know that I am thrilled to be your mom and to have the privilege of sharing your life with you.

Alex Jr. - You are my firstborn son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born so perfect and healthy. You taught me about motherhood, and I am continually learning as we go along, because you inevitably are the first to grow up. Along with that comes a stretching of my heart, as I already ache for your baby days that are behind you, but am so proud of the young man you are becoming. Thank you for being patient with me as I am continually learning from you how to mother a young man. You are a great teacher, and a kind and patient one. You are so smart, and your memory is outstanding. I am proud of your willingness to follow rules, and how well you play with others. I love that you love books. You are a kind leader and teacher to your siblings and peers. Thank you for always trying to communicate with me. I pray we never lose that. You are such a sweet big brother - I love how you come up with affectionate nicknames for Jack, like Cuppy and Kiki. You give him so much assurance when he is scared or sad, and you always say, "What's wrong Kiki?" You have been his advocate from the beginning, and you try to translate to me his wants and needs. I know Jack adores you, and Haddon does too, as you call him your "sweet buddy," and comfort him with his blanket and pacifier. I love how you want to be close to people, and I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Alex Jr., and I love you with everything that I am.

Jack - You are my second-born son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born, my amazing little man, with Hirschsprung's Disease. You taught me about God. You taught me from one to two days old, and even after that as we embarked on this medical journey, that I needed to trust God with everything that I have. You, my dear one, made me truly realize that life is from God, and that it is a miracle. From the instant He created you at conception, to forming you in the womb, to keeping you through birth, He is the author of life. He sustained you then, through life-threatening illness, surgery, and recovery (twice), and He sustains life now through every breath that you and I breathe. With every beat of your heart and mine, He is ordaining our length of days. You are the sweetest little man. You are a tender and sensitive soul, and you are very polite, always saying please and thank you. I love that you love to eat, always asking for food, a true boy. You love to laugh, and to run around, and your vocabulary is great. Your new favorite phrase is, "look at meeeeee!!!" You are a thrill-seeker, loving when daddy chases you, wrestles with you, and throws you in the air. You climb on everything, and although you had a late start to walking, you would never know it now as you are running all over the place. Never was I so thrilled for a baby to walk as I was when you took your first steps. You make me laugh when I get stern with you, and you just respond with, "Okayy, mom." or "this way?" It is so innocent, and I can't help but break down my hardness and melt when you have the sweetest responses to my harsh commands. I'm so glad that you love your baby brother, Haddon, and you show your love by calling him your "sweet buddy" and rubbing his head. You have the best relationship with Dallas, chasing him, loving on him, and calling him your "sweet dog." I love that you love to snuggle, and I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Jack, and I love you with everything that I am.

Haddon - You are my third-born son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born so perfect and healthy. It has only been two and a half months that I have spent holding you in my arms, but you have taught me about myself. I was nervous to go from two babies to three in such a short period of time, but you are such an easy baby. The transition was flawless, and I thank you for making it so. I am such a proud mama to you, and you reassured me that I do know what I am doing, and that God gives grace and strength for what He asks us to do. Thank you for already sleeping through the night so that I am able to have some respite during the evening hours. I know you love and adore your big brothers already, as you gaze at them in wonder when they come to talk to you, hold you, and spend time with you. I am excited for you as I am watching you grow, remembering and cherishing all the little baby things you learn at this stage - you are smiling and babbling, wanting to sit up and out, kicking and finding your legs and discovering what those little tiny hands and fingers can already do. I absolutely adore you, and you are such a beautiful baby. I am anticipating you growing up, along with your brothers, as you make your place in this world. You already have a place in our family forever, I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Haddon, and I love you with everything that I am.

To my two babies that I lost - You dad and I wanted you so much. I was your mom for just a very short time in the perspective of human eyes, and you taught me about grief, but mostly about Jesus. I learned that God is good, and He gives good things to those who ask. Even though I lost you, I am able to more fully appreciate my three boys, and to not take them for granted. You taught me that. I learned that parenthood and motherhood are not always visible, as there have been millions of babies who lived inside the dark and warmth of their moms for just a few short weeks before Jesus called them to Himself. I don't know why, and I can't explain it fully, but I do know that in this way Jesus is building His kingdom, and that you are a part of it. I am so proud that God gave you to me for just a little while. I can't wait to meet you!! I know I wasn't called to teach you about Jesus in this life, but I know you will teach me about Jesus when I meet you, as you have been spending time in His presence. I learned that people grieve differently, as your dad and I both tried to process our loss. I learned that life is life from conception, and it is silly to wait to announce pregnancies until everything is "fine," because that is disrespectful to the life, your life, that you did live inside of me. We rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, even if it means a miscarriage. I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, my sweet babies, and I love you with everything that I am. Until we meet again, xoxo.

It's Time for Action: An Open Letter to Married Women

To all my married lady friends, young and old: 

It's time for action. 

Action.

As in, did you get any action last night? 

You get my drift.

I'm going to be blunt and speak the truth in love: have sex with your husband. 

Did you hear? Did it click? 

I'll say it again. 

HAVE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND!

I have heard too many stories from women and men practicing "married abstinence" for weeks, months... Heaven forbid... YEARS?! 

(Years is not "a limited time for devoting yourselves to prayer", by the way, which is the only reason the Bible gives to abstain from married sex.)

Ladies, let this not be so. I beg of you, let it not be so. 

It is easy to think of sex as a man's weakness, but actually it was a gift given to both men and women. In the right context (marriage), sex is celebratory and wonderful, an intimate union given to both people to grow closer together physically by helping us to relax, mentally and emotionally by helping us to reduce stress, and spiritually. 

Yes, this is a spiritual issue.

Paul tells us to give conjugal rights to our husbands and to not deprive one another of this marital gift (see 1 Corinthians 7:1-5). 

Sex does not produce healthy marriages (animal action all day does not equal open and transparent communication in other areas of life), but sex is definitely a product of a healthy marriage. 

I am not here to tell you how to do it (use your imagination), when to do it (morning, noon, or night), where to do it (get creative!), but I am here to tell you that marriage is the only context for sex. This means that you are the only person in the world who can and should have sex with your husband. This also means that withholding sex is unbiblical, and the frequency should be considered regular to high (the more, the better!). 

It is so easy for ladies to slip beneath the busy coma of everyone and everything that need us, especially after having children, that we collapse into bed at night and forget to meet the needs of the person most important to us - our husbands. Let's be honest: women have a primary bend toward emotions, and men have a primary bend toward sex. This is good, this is right, this is how God created us. We want our men to want us, don't we? Let's show them we want them, too.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but it's something we all need reminding of. Having sex with your man and satisfying him physically inclines him to tend to your emotional needs, which in turn satisfies you and makes you want to physically be with him more often. See how this beautiful, God-created cycle works?  As you both fill each other with love in gender-specific ways, the more you want to give to the other person. 

Imagine if our men withheld heartfelt conversation and emotional bonding from us as much as women sometimes withhold sex. Wouldn't it break our hearts? Wouldn't we grow bitter and cold, distant, angry about the lack of communication?

Why are we sexually starving our husbands?

Imagine a scenario with me: a pampered dog that is well-fed in the beginning of his life, never having to worry about where his next meal is coming from. He has all he could ever want or need. He is usually calm and content, happy to show love to his family, and is eager to see them. He is playful and fun. Imagine now that he starts getting his food withheld from him, a day here, a day there. A couple days here, a couple more days there. Pretty soon, time starts building and building, and the owner thinks, Oh, I don't have time to feed the dog. I am too tired to feed the dog. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, or have more time. But the tomorrows build up and up. The dog grows hungrier and hungrier. He gets mean, and he gets restless. He may withdraw. His tail droops, and his fur starts falling out. He isn't happy to see you anymore. He either starts stealing food that isn't his from the children, the table, or the garbage can, wherever he can find it, OR he slowly dies from starvation. Maybe both. 

This scenario is obviously horrifying, and we are just talking about a little dog here. 

Imagine what our withholding sex is doing to husbands that perceive that to be the ultimate expression and form of love. They'll either steal what isn't theirs, or slowly die of starvation. 

In regards to pornography and other types of marital infidelity, we scoff about self-control, and how men should learn to control themselves. This is rarely the issue. If our husbands were well-fed, they wouldn't be searching for the food anywhere else. 

Remember in the beginning, when you couldn't keep your hands off of him? Why is that gone? A major part of dating in a relationship is meant for the man to build you up emotionally to prepare you for the marriage bed, so that you'll trust him and want to give yourself to him. This should be continuous on your part. If you think he doesn't "deserve" it on a particular day, get a grip. He married you, so he doesn't need to "earn" anything more than that. Ever. Stop withholding yourself as a punishment or threat, ladies, and recognize/repent of your Genesis 3 curse of your desire for control (this strongly manifests itself in the sexual relationship), and then go jump into the arms of that man you swore you would love forever and ever until death do you part. 

So ladies, chin up! Get dressed! Put on make-up and do your hair! Go to Victoria's Secret, or Lover's Lane (sex stores = married stores, don't be shy), and pick out something you think he'll like. Start stoking the fire. Send a nice text: thinking of you. can't wait for you to get home. xoxo. If you want to go bold, start quoting some Song of Solomon (some steamy stuff!), or even dare to bare as much or as little as you want to (Ah, Scandalous! Come on, if sexting is for anyone, it should be for us.) Be flirty, daring, and fun. You will definitely surprise your husband, maybe even yourself! 

Let's be bold in the face of culture. Let's rev up our sexiness to our husbands and lovingly show the culture that we have healthy, vibrant marriages, including the marriage bed. Let's show them that the way of their sexual expression and freedom leads to bondage, brokenness, darkness, and death, but that the way of God leads to light and life, full of joy and all good things, and overflowing with love for each other. We will benefit, our children will benefit, the church will benefit, and most of all, the glory of God will be revealed through our obedience and faithfulness (and it's so fun!). 

Ladies, go home tonight and feed your husband. And then tomorrow. And the next day and the next and the next, until you both are so full of love you can hardly stand it, and others start to notice and want your secret, and then keep going.