Why I'm Listening to Christmas Music in November

This year, my husband and I decided to bring a different approach to the holidays for our family.

In our churches, past and current, we have celebrated Advent on the four Sundays leading up to Christmas Day. For those not familiar with what Advent is, the following is taken from Wikipedia:

Advent is the season observed in many Western Christian churches as a time of expectant waiting and preparation for the celebration of the Nativity of Jesus at Christmas. The term "Advent" is an anglicized version of the Latin word adventus, meaning "coming".

Latin adventus is the translation of the Greek word parousia, commonly used to refer to the Second Coming of Christ. For Christians, the season of Advent anticipates the coming of Christ from two different perspectives. The season offers the opportunity to share in the ancient longing for the coming of the Messiah, and to be alert for his Second Coming.

Practices associated with Advent include keeping an Advent calendar, lighting an Advent wreath, praying an Advent daily devotional, as well as other ways of preparing for Christmas, such as setting up Christmas decorations.

 We will not only celebrate Advent in our church this year, but also in our home. We really want to stress the importance of the first and second coming of Christ to our children.

We will be lighting a candle each Sunday leading up to Christmas, starting November 29. The candles will be placed in a wreath, a perfect circle to symbolize the eternity of the triune Godhead. The first purple candle symbolizes expectation, the second purple candle symbolizes hope, and the third candle is pink and represents joy. The fourth purple candle is a representation of peace, and the white candle placed in the center is lit on Christmas Eve and is appropriately called the Christ Candle.

I am using these weeks leading up to Thanksgiving to really focus on preparing and planning for this Advent season, as I want to gift our children with one gift each Sunday that we light a candle. The gifts we give our children on Christmas Morning (most likely one or two) will be the "best" gifts in terms of maybe something they specifically asked for or that we know will bring them the most joy. This still keeps the Christmas Day special and something to look forward to, as the culmination of the season.

Not only does this method of celebration have a great benefit of spreading out gifts over a full month (to avoid emotional meltdowns and over-stimulation on Christmas Day, which leads to ingratitude and discontentment), but the main benefit is that it teaches our children that we celebrate the full Advent season. We  really would like to stress the importance to them of keeping Jesus in focus at all times, and that the only reason this season is special and a cause for celebration is because Jesus, who is God, already came to mankind once to die for the sins of the world, and that He is coming again to make all things right and new again.

Our celebration will most likely look something like this ::

Thursday, 11/26 - Prepare a Thanksgiving feast to celebrate the start of the season with family

Thanksgiving weekend - Decorate the house for the Advent/Christmas season

Sunday, 11/29 - The lighting of the first Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/6 - The lighting of the second Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/13 - The lighting of the third Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Sunday, 12/20 - The lighting of the fourth Advent candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Thursday, 12/24 - The lighting of the Christ Candle / celebrate with Scriptures & a gift

Friday, 12/25 - The celebration of Christmas with a breakfast feast, stockings & gifts

Since Thanksgiving is really the start of the Advent season, I am currently planning and preparing for the season and a fresh approach to the holidays. Planning is a gift that I personally give to my family, so that this holiday can run smoothly and as stress-free as possible. I am a huge fan of preparedness, no matter how big or small an event or project is. I believe planning shows true caring.

We want to find a different way to counteract the consumerism of the holidays, as the promises of materialism are always empty and broken. Christmas always seems to promise the fulfillment that only Jesus can give. We will still celebrate with gifts, because they point to the much greater gift we were given in the incarnation of Christ, but with a much stronger emphasis on why we give them (in celebration, in love & with joy, because of the one who gave everything he had to us first). 

And that's why I'm listening to Christmas music in November. :) 

A Tribute to My Little Men

I wanted to write this letter to you, Alex, Jack, and Haddon, to tell you how much I love you. I am amazed and in awe of the little people that you are, and who you are growing up to be. Of course you are sinners in rebellion against God right now, and I pray every day for Him to change you, but this letter isn't going to be about that. I acknowledge that enough in our day-to-day lives, and I promise I will try to protect you by not constantly complaining and telling others about your sin - we will keep that between us.

I know you are young, my sweet children. Your dad and I are looked at as crazy for having three of you under the age of four, but the truth is, we wanted you so close so that you would grow up to be the best of friends. Alex and Jack, you are already showing that friendship between you, most of the time. I love telling people that there is no Jack without Alex, or Alex without Jack. Of course, you have your days when you get on each other's nerves, but you are together pretty much around the clock every day of the week, so that's understandable. I am so excited for you, Haddon, to grow up to get to know your big brothers and to start interacting and playing with them.

I am greatly anticipating the long summer days of boyhood, of running outside and riding bikes and climbing trees, of building forts and discovering bugs and finding stars, and the sweaty foreheads that will be drinking lemonade around my kitchen table when you need a cool-down and a break. I want you three boys to know that I am thrilled to be your mom and to have the privilege of sharing your life with you.

Alex Jr. - You are my firstborn son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born so perfect and healthy. You taught me about motherhood, and I am continually learning as we go along, because you inevitably are the first to grow up. Along with that comes a stretching of my heart, as I already ache for your baby days that are behind you, but am so proud of the young man you are becoming. Thank you for being patient with me as I am continually learning from you how to mother a young man. You are a great teacher, and a kind and patient one. You are so smart, and your memory is outstanding. I am proud of your willingness to follow rules, and how well you play with others. I love that you love books. You are a kind leader and teacher to your siblings and peers. Thank you for always trying to communicate with me. I pray we never lose that. You are such a sweet big brother - I love how you come up with affectionate nicknames for Jack, like Cuppy and Kiki. You give him so much assurance when he is scared or sad, and you always say, "What's wrong Kiki?" You have been his advocate from the beginning, and you try to translate to me his wants and needs. I know Jack adores you, and Haddon does too, as you call him your "sweet buddy," and comfort him with his blanket and pacifier. I love how you want to be close to people, and I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Alex Jr., and I love you with everything that I am.

Jack - You are my second-born son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born, my amazing little man, with Hirschsprung's Disease. You taught me about God. You taught me from one to two days old, and even after that as we embarked on this medical journey, that I needed to trust God with everything that I have. You, my dear one, made me truly realize that life is from God, and that it is a miracle. From the instant He created you at conception, to forming you in the womb, to keeping you through birth, He is the author of life. He sustained you then, through life-threatening illness, surgery, and recovery (twice), and He sustains life now through every breath that you and I breathe. With every beat of your heart and mine, He is ordaining our length of days. You are the sweetest little man. You are a tender and sensitive soul, and you are very polite, always saying please and thank you. I love that you love to eat, always asking for food, a true boy. You love to laugh, and to run around, and your vocabulary is great. Your new favorite phrase is, "look at meeeeee!!!" You are a thrill-seeker, loving when daddy chases you, wrestles with you, and throws you in the air. You climb on everything, and although you had a late start to walking, you would never know it now as you are running all over the place. Never was I so thrilled for a baby to walk as I was when you took your first steps. You make me laugh when I get stern with you, and you just respond with, "Okayy, mom." or "this way?" It is so innocent, and I can't help but break down my hardness and melt when you have the sweetest responses to my harsh commands. I'm so glad that you love your baby brother, Haddon, and you show your love by calling him your "sweet buddy" and rubbing his head. You have the best relationship with Dallas, chasing him, loving on him, and calling him your "sweet dog." I love that you love to snuggle, and I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Jack, and I love you with everything that I am.

Haddon - You are my third-born son, but you will always be my baby. Your dad and I wanted you so much, and you were born so perfect and healthy. It has only been two and a half months that I have spent holding you in my arms, but you have taught me about myself. I was nervous to go from two babies to three in such a short period of time, but you are such an easy baby. The transition was flawless, and I thank you for making it so. I am such a proud mama to you, and you reassured me that I do know what I am doing, and that God gives grace and strength for what He asks us to do. Thank you for already sleeping through the night so that I am able to have some respite during the evening hours. I know you love and adore your big brothers already, as you gaze at them in wonder when they come to talk to you, hold you, and spend time with you. I am excited for you as I am watching you grow, remembering and cherishing all the little baby things you learn at this stage - you are smiling and babbling, wanting to sit up and out, kicking and finding your legs and discovering what those little tiny hands and fingers can already do. I absolutely adore you, and you are such a beautiful baby. I am anticipating you growing up, along with your brothers, as you make your place in this world. You already have a place in our family forever, I will hold you in my lap and in my arms for as long as I can, but I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, Haddon, and I love you with everything that I am.

To my two babies that I lost - You dad and I wanted you so much. I was your mom for just a very short time in the perspective of human eyes, and you taught me about grief, but mostly about Jesus. I learned that God is good, and He gives good things to those who ask. Even though I lost you, I am able to more fully appreciate my three boys, and to not take them for granted. You taught me that. I learned that parenthood and motherhood are not always visible, as there have been millions of babies who lived inside the dark and warmth of their moms for just a few short weeks before Jesus called them to Himself. I don't know why, and I can't explain it fully, but I do know that in this way Jesus is building His kingdom, and that you are a part of it. I am so proud that God gave you to me for just a little while. I can't wait to meet you!! I know I wasn't called to teach you about Jesus in this life, but I know you will teach me about Jesus when I meet you, as you have been spending time in His presence. I learned that people grieve differently, as your dad and I both tried to process our loss. I learned that life is life from conception, and it is silly to wait to announce pregnancies until everything is "fine," because that is disrespectful to the life, your life, that you did live inside of me. We rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep, even if it means a miscarriage. I want you to know that I will always hold you in my heart. You are incredible, my sweet babies, and I love you with everything that I am. Until we meet again, xoxo.

It's Time for Action: An Open Letter to Married Women

To all my married lady friends, young and old: 

It's time for action. 

Action.

As in, did you get any action last night? 

You get my drift.

I'm going to be blunt and speak the truth in love: have sex with your husband. 

Did you hear? Did it click? 

I'll say it again. 

HAVE SEX WITH YOUR HUSBAND!

I have heard too many stories from women and men practicing "married abstinence" for weeks, months... Heaven forbid... YEARS?! 

(Years is not "a limited time for devoting yourselves to prayer", by the way, which is the only reason the Bible gives to abstain from married sex.)

Ladies, let this not be so. I beg of you, let it not be so. 

It is easy to think of sex as a man's weakness, but actually it was a gift given to both men and women. In the right context (marriage), sex is celebratory and wonderful, an intimate union given to both people to grow closer together physically by helping us to relax, mentally and emotionally by helping us to reduce stress, and spiritually. 

Yes, this is a spiritual issue.

Paul tells us to give conjugal rights to our husbands and to not deprive one another of this marital gift (see 1 Corinthians 7:1-5). 

Sex does not produce healthy marriages (animal action all day does not equal open and transparent communication in other areas of life), but sex is definitely a product of a healthy marriage. 

I am not here to tell you how to do it (use your imagination), when to do it (morning, noon, or night), where to do it (get creative!), but I am here to tell you that marriage is the only context for sex. This means that you are the only person in the world who can and should have sex with your husband. This also means that withholding sex is unbiblical, and the frequency should be considered regular to high (the more, the better!). 

It is so easy for ladies to slip beneath the busy coma of everyone and everything that need us, especially after having children, that we collapse into bed at night and forget to meet the needs of the person most important to us - our husbands. Let's be honest: women have a primary bend toward emotions, and men have a primary bend toward sex. This is good, this is right, this is how God created us. We want our men to want us, don't we? Let's show them we want them, too.

I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, but it's something we all need reminding of. Having sex with your man and satisfying him physically inclines him to tend to your emotional needs, which in turn satisfies you and makes you want to physically be with him more often. See how this beautiful, God-created cycle works?  As you both fill each other with love in gender-specific ways, the more you want to give to the other person. 

Imagine if our men withheld heartfelt conversation and emotional bonding from us as much as women sometimes withhold sex. Wouldn't it break our hearts? Wouldn't we grow bitter and cold, distant, angry about the lack of communication?

Why are we sexually starving our husbands?

Imagine a scenario with me: a pampered dog that is well-fed in the beginning of his life, never having to worry about where his next meal is coming from. He has all he could ever want or need. He is usually calm and content, happy to show love to his family, and is eager to see them. He is playful and fun. Imagine now that he starts getting his food withheld from him, a day here, a day there. A couple days here, a couple more days there. Pretty soon, time starts building and building, and the owner thinks, Oh, I don't have time to feed the dog. I am too tired to feed the dog. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, or have more time. But the tomorrows build up and up. The dog grows hungrier and hungrier. He gets mean, and he gets restless. He may withdraw. His tail droops, and his fur starts falling out. He isn't happy to see you anymore. He either starts stealing food that isn't his from the children, the table, or the garbage can, wherever he can find it, OR he slowly dies from starvation. Maybe both. 

This scenario is obviously horrifying, and we are just talking about a little dog here. 

Imagine what our withholding sex is doing to husbands that perceive that to be the ultimate expression and form of love. They'll either steal what isn't theirs, or slowly die of starvation. 

In regards to pornography and other types of marital infidelity, we scoff about self-control, and how men should learn to control themselves. This is rarely the issue. If our husbands were well-fed, they wouldn't be searching for the food anywhere else. 

Remember in the beginning, when you couldn't keep your hands off of him? Why is that gone? A major part of dating in a relationship is meant for the man to build you up emotionally to prepare you for the marriage bed, so that you'll trust him and want to give yourself to him. This should be continuous on your part. If you think he doesn't "deserve" it on a particular day, get a grip. He married you, so he doesn't need to "earn" anything more than that. Ever. Stop withholding yourself as a punishment or threat, ladies, and recognize/repent of your Genesis 3 curse of your desire for control (this strongly manifests itself in the sexual relationship), and then go jump into the arms of that man you swore you would love forever and ever until death do you part. 

So ladies, chin up! Get dressed! Put on make-up and do your hair! Go to Victoria's Secret, or Lover's Lane (sex stores = married stores, don't be shy), and pick out something you think he'll like. Start stoking the fire. Send a nice text: thinking of you. can't wait for you to get home. xoxo. If you want to go bold, start quoting some Song of Solomon (some steamy stuff!), or even dare to bare as much or as little as you want to (Ah, Scandalous! Come on, if sexting is for anyone, it should be for us.) Be flirty, daring, and fun. You will definitely surprise your husband, maybe even yourself! 

Let's be bold in the face of culture. Let's rev up our sexiness to our husbands and lovingly show the culture that we have healthy, vibrant marriages, including the marriage bed. Let's show them that the way of their sexual expression and freedom leads to bondage, brokenness, darkness, and death, but that the way of God leads to light and life, full of joy and all good things, and overflowing with love for each other. We will benefit, our children will benefit, the church will benefit, and most of all, the glory of God will be revealed through our obedience and faithfulness (and it's so fun!). 

Ladies, go home tonight and feed your husband. And then tomorrow. And the next day and the next and the next, until you both are so full of love you can hardly stand it, and others start to notice and want your secret, and then keep going. 

He Isn't Done With Me!

The morning of December 3, 2014, I went into labor with our third baby boy, Haddon Andrew Loginow. Most everything went smoothly, and he was born at 6:01 p.m. Afterwards, I had a minor health issue involving some heavy bleeding, but it was over within a few hours.

My recovery has gone wonderfully so far. Without being too graphic, I did not have to have any stitches after giving birth (which I did have after my first two babies, so I was completely expecting a recovery similar to before). I realize now what a wonderful gift from God this was and continues to be, as Alex is having back surgery next Tuesday, December 16.

Alex hurt his back about a month ago - he wasn't performing any strenuous activity, it just happened when he stood up from lunch and started walking to get a drink refill. His back has steadily gotten worse, and he is currently in excruciating back pain. We have been to the doctor several times, and I knew something was really wrong when I was in the hospital with Haddon, and he came in and said he had started to feel the numbness down his legs again. The last and only time he had experienced that was prior to his first back surgery in December 2008.

Last Sunday, in the middle of the night he woke up and told me he needed to go to the ER, the pain was so unbearable. He was able to go (thanks to Andrew!) and get the MRI and medication needed in order to see his back doctor again ASAP.

Today, we were told he is having surgery next Tuesday, 12/16, which is great that he is going to be relieved of the pain so quickly, but like any surgery there will be an extended period of recovering. We are not sure how long he will be in the hospital or how long his recovery will take, but we are thankful for a doctor who is understanding and is working quickly to fix the problem.

~

Needless to say, we are going through physical trials at the moment - but I am so glad! Because it means that Jesus is not done with me yet! This is the great beauty of life not going as we plan - God is not a God that will make us comfortable and pacify us when we are whiny and rub our shoulders and comfort us in a coddling type of way.

God is a God that pushes us, challenges us, and trains us up in sanctification through trials, not to be self-sufficient, but to be more and more dependent on Jesus and the grace that He gives us in Himself. If we come through a trial feeling more self-sufficient and less dependent on Jesus, we are doing it wrong. Sanctification is not a process that is fun - it hurts. It hurts physically, and it hurts spiritually, and getting rid of some of the rough edges of sin and idols that reside in our hearts can be agonizing.

It is easy to bear fruit when life is swell. When you wake up on time after a refreshing night's sleep, and you have a long, hot shower with a good hair day (and cute new shoes!), when there is money in the bank account and the gas tank is full, when your kids are chipper and sweet in the morning and when your spouse brings you flowers, it is easy to say I have love, and joy, and peace, and patience, and kindness, and goodness, and faithfulness, and gentleness, and self-control today!

But what about when the floors are sticky, and the bathrooms are dirty, and there was no time for a shower? The bills are piling up, the car is in the shop again, the baby was up all night screaming for no reason, and the kids woke up cranky and whining and fighting about everything? What about when the fridge is empty, and the furnace breaks, and the rag that fell in the laundry sink caused a backup and a minor flood in the basement?

The worst part about this situation would not be your circumstances, it would be your heart. 

Love. Joy. Peace. Patience. Kindness. Goodness. Gentleness. Faithfulness. Self-control. 

Ouch.

~

I am rejoicing today. My heart is overflowing with the knowledge and goodness that is found in Jesus. In knowing that He meets me where I am, that He is active in my life, that He pulls the rug out from under me, and causes me to fall from pride to humility with Himself. That He walks alongside me, that He causes my heart to yearn for Him when I can grasp at nothing else in this world, because everything else is fleeting. I am rejoicing that He is making me more dependent on Him, that His grace is flowing non-stop into my life right now, and that I am empowered not through any ambition or will of my own, but through the Holy Spirit to hold on to more of Jesus.

I am rejoicing that He is not done with me yet! That He who has begun a good work in me WILL bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (Phil 1:6) - this means work! This means sanctification, not stagnation. God chases after us to chasten and discipline us. This means trials to push us to Jesus. This means peeling the scales off of the dragon that is sin in us. This means the closer it gets to our heart, the more it hurts.

I am rejoicing that Jesus is teaching me about sacrifice. That He gave His all for His church-bride on the cross, physically by death, and spiritually by breaking the perfect eternal fellowship of the Trinity that we might have redemption from our sinful hearts. He is teaching me that sacrifice is relentless, and He is continually pursuing us and actively working in our hearts and lives, even after He sacrificed Himself on the cross.

Rachel Jankovic puts it so beautifully in one of her books, where she talks about how sacrifice is not counting the costs, but giving freely of ourselves. If we are counting the costs and tallying up our sacrifices in our resentment-filled hearts, then our sacrifices were not freely given, they were taken away from us. Are you filled with resentment about what has been taken away from you, or are you freely giving of yourself? Jesus gave ultimately on the cross and He continues to pour into our lives day after day, giving and giving and giving.

His life was not taken, it was given. 

~

I love these lyrics from Andrew Peterson's song, You'll Find Your Way: 

And I know you'll be scared when you take up that cross

And I know it'll hurt, 'cause I know what it costs

And I love you so much and it's so hard to watch

Go back, go back to the ancient paths

Lash your heart to the ancient mast

And hold on, boy, whatever you do

To the hope that's taken hold of you

You'll find your way

If love is what you’re looking for

The old roads lead to an open door

You’ll find your way

Back home

~

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

The Most Dangerous Game

I am awake at 5 a.m. on a Saturday. Everything I have typed already seems crazy; there will be more to come, I assure you.

So I have been reading this book, called Give Them Grace by Elyse Fitzpatrick and her daughter, Jessica Thompson. (Elyse is amazing - go buy all of her books right now!) It's a book that I have only read two chapters of that has already greatly transformed the way I think about parenting.

Here are some thoughts:

• Basically, I am a sinner of the worst kind, and so is my husband, and so are my kids. 
• We all have an equal playing field when it comes to sin and we are no better than each other or anyone else in the world, for that matter. We are all murderers, hating others in our hearts. We are all sexual sinners, lusting after those who are not our spouse. We have broken all ten commandments every single day. Not a second goes by that we keep the law perfectly.

My realization of this morning: 

Teaching our children that they are good when they obey is Pharisaical parenting 

incorporating a soul-damning, anti-gospel. 

Do you get this? Do you understand this? I'm not sure I even understand it to it's full extent. But it is so important, so life-changing in the best and scariest way.

Parents, we need to do things differently. 

When we teach our children that they are good when they obey, when we say they are good, we are liars.

There are none who are good, no, not one.

The conversations in our house this past week have radically changed. 

Alex Jr. asked the other day if he was a good boy. I told him no. My husband told him that he was a bad boy, that we are all bad boys and girls, but that Jesus was a good boy. He was the only good boy. 

Alex Jr. told me he didn't want to share with his brother. I told him I knew he didn't want to share and I don't either, but Jesus shared his life, death & resurrection with us and that should make us want to share with our brothers when we think of everything Jesus shared with us. (And then I made him share.)

Of course, we don't pretend that our children are believers, and we tell them that they need a Savior for their sin. But to teach obedience and law without grace and without Jesus is the most dangerous thing I could think of to teach our children, and I had been doing it without thinking about it, because I am a sinner, and works-based salvation is ingrained in every single living person who has ever walked this earth, and it has damned a lot of them to hell. I was not parenting especially Christian. 

Are you rewarding your children for good behavior? Stop. Our world is filled with enough charts and ladders to climb; we don't need to incorporate the hellish practices in our homes too. 

Our homes and churches should be the two places that are filled with grace, not perfect attendance records, chore rewards, or bring your Bible prizes. 

Motivating our children to obey out of pride and superiority instead of the love of Jesus is the most dangerous game you will ever play with their souls. 

Crashing Down

Jesus is beautiful. 

People have different ideas about who Jesus is. 

Prophet, but not the Son of God. 

Good man. 

Good teacher. 

Lunatic. 

The world's greatest salesman. 

Feminine coward who let people kill him.

Weak. 

Co-pilot. 

Homeboy.  

Genie.

I think this last one, a genie, is where a lot of us church people get hung up at. We usually only pray to God when it's in our best interest. We are loving life when it is good, but go running to him when life gets bad. We start going to church more (maybe even bible class), praying that he will fix all of our problems for us and get us out of this pickle. 

When circumstances aren't so hard anymore, all of a sudden he doesn't seem as important. 

[I'm not going to blow your mind with anything theological here, I'm really just talking to myself and rambling, which my husband will tell you I'm really good at.] ;)

God doesn't love us more or less depending upon the amount we pray to him, because he knows everything about us anyways and is sovereign over all. He will lead us where he wills regardless if we ask him to or not. 

I think praying to God is commanded in scripture because it's in OUR best interest, and it changes our hearts in a way that only prayer can do. It makes US softer towards God and towards others, not the other way around. So in a way, God commands us to do something that is good for us. 

How awesome is that, right? 

I mean, we could just be little robots walking around not talking to him and he is sovereign so he orchestrates things as he pleases, but he invites us, commands us, to interact with him of our own free will. And in that, God is lovely. 

But back to my main point (Because I really did go off on a tangent). 

The other day, I was working in the kitchen, baking and doing dishes, ya know, stuff you do while working in the kitchen, and all of a sudden, Jesus crashed down into my life. 

Here's what I mean. (It's metaphorical and literal, too.)

We have a cross hanging in our kitchen that is made out of the letters of Jesus. It was a gift of a dear friend from Honduras, in case you were wondering :)

It isn't exactly like this, but pretty close. 

Anyways, I was ho-humming around the kitchen, and out of nowhere, this cross made up of the letters of Jesus literally crashed down right into my face! 

And I chuckled to myself, because even though it was a literal crashing down, it is metaphorical as well. 

Going about our daily lives, sometimes Jesus just comes and crashes down out of nowhere, and it is when we least expect it. 

If you know him, you will find this is a beautiful thing. 

He crashes down into an argument with our spouse. 

He crashes down into sleepless nights with babies. 

He crashes down into two-word conversations with toddlers. 

He crashes down into dirty laundry, doing dishes, changing diapers. 

He crashes down into our loneliness. 

He crashes down into our busy-ness. 

He crashes down into time spent with friends. 

He crashes down into long car rides. 

He crashes down into holidays and vacations. 

He crashes down into family drama. 

He crashes down into our good days. 

He crashes down into our bad days. 

He crashes down when we least expect it.

He crashes down into our sin. 

He crashes down into our pride. 

He crashes down into our anger. 

He crashes down into our self-righteousness. 

He crashes down into our gossip. 

He crashes down into our finances. 

He crashes down into our schedules. 

He crashes down into our relationships. 

He crashes down into our homes, and yes, even our kitchens. 

In all of this, I always remember the beginning of James 4:6, speaking of God: 

"But HE gives more grace..."

May I be a picture of His grace to my home & family, to the church & to the world. 

Une Belle Femme

Think about the most beautiful woman you know.

Think about une belle femme.

Not beautiful as in Jennifer Aniston, or Julia Roberts, who both possess outward beauty.

Think of someone you know in real life who is a very picture of beauty and grace.
A woman who everyone loves to be around because she exudes femininity and glows with warmth and comfort.

You may be wondering what her secret is. And no matter who it is you are thinking of, I can tell you what her secret is.

Are you ready for this?

The secret of a beautiful woman is that she affirms male headship in her life.

Wait, what? Did I really just say that? Yes, I did. In fact, it is so important, that not only is it in bold, underlined, larger and in a different color, I am going to say it again.

The secret of a beautiful woman is that she affirms male headship in her life.

Yes, I really did, and yes, I really mean it. Now all you feminists out there can go pound on your bed and scream in your pillow because "female oppression" still exists.


I) A beautiful woman submits to and affirms the male headship of God.

Without this first thing, a woman is not beautiful. I don't care if she is a Kardashian sister or Sports Illustrated's latest swimsuit model. A beautiful woman knows that God is in control and she is not. She submits her heart and life to him. She loves him. She cherishes his words to her. She knows and affirms that yes, God is male, and yes, he has authority over her life. She relishes in his love and in his sovereignty and care over her.


II) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her father. 

A beautiful woman acknowledges that her father is the head of the family, and submits to him as long as she is living in his household. She encourages him to lead (sometimes as only daughters can) and allows him to care for her in a way that blesses both of them. After she is married, she honors and respects him as her father even as she is no longer under his authority.


III) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her husband. 

A beautiful woman seeks to let her man lead her in every way - spiritually, financially, emotionally (to name a few). She is not bossy or pushy or loud or rude. She does not emotionally manipulate. She is open, honest and transparent. She does not harbor feelings of resentment towards him, storing up bad things in the past to launch at him when he messes up (which he will). She does not dangle sex over his head as a bribe or reward for good behavior, or withhold sex as a punishment for (what she deems) bad behavior. She does not use her emotions in a false way, and evaluates her words for encouragement and building up her man. Single ladies are beautiful women by seeking to affirm the male headship of their future husbands by cultivating the inclination to submit to her man when he comes along or by submitting to other men in positions of authority over her such as her father, her boss, and/or her pastor.


IV) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her brother and/or son. 

A beautiful woman does not submit to her brother or her son in the same way that she does submit to her husband, but she should still be affirming their masculinity in a right way. A beautiful woman encourages her brothers and her sons (and her spiritual brothers as well) to lead in a right way. She is able to help them practice for when they have wives of their own. She should be seeking to serve them where she is able. She complements their masculinity as she is in a unique position to be cherished and loved for who she is without having to submit to their role in her life. She should guide all men who come into contact with her into a way of masculinity as she supports and embraces her own role of femininity.


V) A beautiful woman affirms the male headship of her pastor and elders. 

A beautiful woman recognizes the authority of her pastor over her spiritually and submits to his leadership of the church. She seeks to use her womanly qualities and abilities to serve in the church where needed and where appropriate, and has an open line of communication with the pastor. She does not complain behind his back or whine about the length of the sermons, but affirms his preaching and teaching to everyone everywhere. She invites people to her church. She does not need to agree with him on everything, but should submit to his role of authority over her life.


We women bear the image of God in the same way that men do, but in a different way. Our encouragement of masculinity will differ in regards to our relationships with the men in our lives, but let us affirm men in their roles as men no matter if they are one or one hundred.

A Man's Man

I have been blessed these past four years to be married to a man's man.

He is by no means perfect (obviously), but he is a stand-up guy, and a great husband and father. I tell him all of this in real life by the way, but he never believes me.

I debated writing this post because husband-lauding and wife-lauding is usually overdone and exaggerated, and mostly untrue, and the people doing it are usually overcompensating for something they are lacking in their real life, so they make up for it on social media.

I decided to go ahead and write this post, not because I don't have anything better to do, but because I have seen so many examples of wimpy men lately, and my husband is so NOT a wimpy man, that I think he should be an example (which he is in real life, of course).

Here is what a man's man does:

He provides.
No ifs, ands, or buts. Scripture says the man who does not provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever. I have been blessed to have a man that views this seriously, and he doesn't ever expect me to work outside the home if I don't want to. He squarely shoulders the responsibility of putting food on the table, of bringing home the bacon so to speak. He has a job that he loves, and has worked hard to get where he is today. A family should be able to live off of a man's salary, and the wife's income, if any, should be supplemental only. (Let the criticism begin!)

He protects.
Many people think of this as non-applicable unless someone is physically trying to hurt your family. That is untrue. Protecting means guarding your family not only physically from harm's way, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Of course my husband locks the doors when he leaves in the morning, drives carefully, sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door, and would be the first line of defense if someone were to break into our house. But to protect something is not largely defensive; it's offensive, it's aggressive. It's the act of preparing and already taking care of something so that when disaster does strike, tragedy doesn't happen. For example, you put a case around your phone so that when it does inevitably drop down concrete stairs, your phone is protected and not broken. You don't catch the phone while it is falling and place a case around it, you know? Real men protect their woman and children by shielding the blows of the outside world and preparing them (mostly with good theology) to handle disaster.

He servant-leads. 
This is a tricky one, but very biblical. He leads by serving. Through serving, he shows true and great leadership. I see my man servant-leading in the church and at home everyday. Serving comes in many different forms and looks different for every family, but it ultimately means putting the needs of others above his own. In our home, serving me means eating out sometimes so I don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning up dinner after a long day with the kids, or watching the boys for me so I can shower, or clean, or run errands. One time it meant after we had a fight, he still brought home my very favorite kind of bagel, because it was a way to serve me. It showed he still valued me and put me above his own self even when he didn't "feel" like it.

He disciples.
This is a big one. This is a HUGE one. My lovely man's man told me just the other day, "I don't care if I hurt your feelings because I am trying to disciple you and that is more important than your feelings." Ouch. And you know what? He is right. I needed to hear that, because I am his absolute number one disciple. If my feelings are going to be hurt that he calls out my sin where he sees it, then that needs to happen. Killing sin is more important than my feelings. He also disciples his children. He teaches us good theology through conversation and by example. How does he handle life? We are teaching our oldest son that it is not okay to whine. We are not raising wimpy men. Men need to be strong and tough, because (see above) they need to provide and protect their families.

His identity is found in Christ.
This is not only the cause for all of the above, but for many other things as well. My man's man is well-grounded. He has GREAT theology. The things of this world may shake him, but they never knock him down because he has a firm foundation. Since his identity is in Christ, he never expects me to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his children to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his job, his schooling, his house, his car, his bank account, his schedule, or hobbies to live up to perfection. He knows that only Jesus is perfect and he can rest in Him. His joy is complete, being found in Christ and His work on the cross.

My man's man does not complain. He does not whine. He does not feel entitled. He is honest. He is transparent. He works hard. He mans up and takes on responsibility. He cares for us.  He is strong, but he is tender. He loves us fiercely. He pictures Christ to his family, to his church, and to the world.

What more could a woman ask for?

Thoughts on Making the [Church's] Bed

Ok, so once again my faults may benefit somebody else out there, so here goes.

A couple of weeks ago, when I first started this blog, I published my cleaning/chore list for the week, the days I would do them, etc.

I fail pretty often, and this is one of those times.

And here are my concluding thoughts as we read "Chore List's Obituary."

Dear Chore List,
It's not you, it's me. Well, really, it's my husband. You see, he doesn't care about you. At all. He doesn't care if the bathroom floors are scrubbed every week. He doesn't care how I organize things, as long as I know where they are. He doesn't care which days I do laundry, clean the bathtub, or bathe the dog. And so, I must lay you to rest for the sake of my family.
Sincerely, Me

Here was the problem. I love a clean home (reference my very first post). That's not the problem. The problem was, I thought in my mind that I was serving my family in the best way by giving them a clean home at all times. But, I was only serving me. My sons and husband do not care about cleanliness as much as I do. They don't want to live like slobs (obviously), but my cleanliness was interfering with my ability to serve them in the ways they would appreciate more, and not ways I would appreciate more.

For example, my husband likes when I actually shower, get dressed, and do my hair and makeup for the day (Imagine that!). The problem was, on heavy cleaning days, I would get distracted and he would come home and I would still be in what I affectionately call my work clothes, and what the rest of the world calls sweatpants.

And so, I have now resolved to be more flexible in my cleaning (by throwing out the schedule) to better serve my family & husband by actually getting ready every day and not worrying about super perfect cleanliness.

NOW.

Let me leave you with this charge.

In what ways are you clinging to a chore list in your home life or church life?

What areas are you serving in? Are you doing it because you think it serves other people, but it's really only serving yourself?

Open your eyes. Look around. What are the real needs of the people closest to you? What would they like in the way of service? Ask them. What does God require in the way of service? Ask Him.

This is a tricky one, because in many ways we think we are serving God and others, when really we are just serving in the way we like to serve. Ouch. Chew on that for a while.

If we are not willing to lay down or effectively kill our chore lists for the sake of our families, then our chore lists have become our idols. If we are not willing to be flexible and adapt to the ever-changing needs of our families and church bodies, then what type of service is that? I'll tell you -  Idol worship.

And that's hard to hear, because many of us like to serve, which is a good thing. The problem comes when our service becomes our ultimate thing that we are finding value and worth in. If you cannot lay your service down and walk away from it, then it's a problem.

So go re-evaluate your life and your service. Ask your family and your church in what ways you can serve them best. And if you need to, kill your chore list.

Don't stop serving, but maybe tweak it a little so you're more bearable to those around you.

At the very least, get dressed for the day. 

Church Family

Ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten. - Lilo & Stitch

I am having a hard time organizing my thoughts, so stick with me. We will see where this goes.

This has been bothering me lately - the fact that church isn't viewed as a family.
Families are the foundation of societies, the keeper of generations past, the strongest relationships one will ever have, and the fertile soil on which spiritual growth flourishes.

Church today is viewed as a business. People come with the thoughts of: How can this work for me? Are these people going to be friendly towards me and my family? How can I keep my skeletons hidden in my closet? What programs will cater to my needs? What programs will cater to my children's needs? What can the church do to serve me? Churches then fall into this trap: How can we market or advertise ourselves so more people will come? Who can we hire to maintain our cool image and keep up with modern design? How can we attract wealthier clients to give more towards our "cause"?

How about family? I don't know about you, but our family is messy. We don't all like the same things. We are loud, we are crazy, we are late to things, we are obnoxious, and we get on each other's nerves. We are brutally honest, we rebuke each other and we fight.

BUT

We repent. We are forgiving. We give grace and apply grace to every area of each other's lives. We cover each other in love, and at the end of the day, we always say "I love you." We laugh with each other, cry with each other, grieve with each other. We fight for each other. We are loved and we are accepted. We are blessed.

When there is a problem, you try to find a solution. You compromise. When you fight with someone, you work it out, make up, and continue on better for the experience. It doesn't help to just leave or walk out, because at some point you have to come back to your family and the longer it continues on, it could get awkward. (Especially if you run into them at the grocery store, for crying out loud!)

Any family that is a broken family will tell you that it hurts. It hurts when people that you love leave you. It hurts when they go and try to find solace somewhere else, or with someone else. The family will say, but we laughed with you, cried with you, celebrated with you, grieved with you, mourned with you, helped you, fought for you. We loved you! And the person who leaves is basically saying it wasn't enough.

You weren't good enough for me.

Um, Excuse me? I wasn't good enough for you? We weren't good enough for you? Just exactly who do you think you are?

Jesus Christ came to this earth to die for his church. He relentlessly pursues her, despite her flaws and failings. We have to be conformed to Christ and His image, and to do that, we must love what he loves. Guess what he loves? HIS CHURCH. It's messy. It's flawed. It fails in many ways. But as long as the preaching of the Word of God is maintained, the Holy Spirit will do his work. None of us are perfect, which makes for a very imperfect church. But trust the gospel. The preaching of the gospel always brings change. The church is ever evolving, ever changing, for the better. If you don't like how your church family does things exactly, stick around. Change will come.

But you don't leave your family because you don't like the same music as they do. You don't leave your family because you had a disagreement with your parents. That's called being immature in the real world. It's called not facing the music. But for some reason, when it comes to the church family, it is completely accepted.

And if you are reading this and are even considering the possibility of bailing on your church family, this is your sign. DON'T DO IT. Stop. Repent of your pride and your selfishness and your sin. Go to your family, ask for forgiveness, and move forward. If there needs to be some changes in your church, work hard to make them happen. Don't rely on leadership to do or think of everything. It takes all members of the body to function. And if that means I am a little toe toenail, then so be it. I need my little toe toenail, thank you very much. Without it, I would look weird.

If this post made you uncomfortable, good. We accept you and we love you, but we will tell it like it is.

Welcome to the family. 

A Beautiful Poem for Mother's Day

The Wide Spectrum of Mothering 

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you.

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you.

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of
food stains – we appreciate you.

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running
away—we mourn with you.

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears,
and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you.

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate
with you.

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children –
we sit with you.

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you.

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we
acknowledge your experience.

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of
motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst.

To those who have aborted children - we remember them and you on this day.

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children -
we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be.

To those who step-parent - we walk with you on these complex paths.

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren, yet that dream is not to
be - we grieve with you.

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice
with you.

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we
anticipate with you.

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and
we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

By Amy Young (http://messymiddle.com)

The Home of Sacred Cows

Our pastor, Kevin McGuire, preached an amazing message yesterday morning about the Sacred Cows we have in our local churches.

Sacred Cow (noun): a structure or format that we put our ultimate value or worth in; see also, idol. [Term is derived from the golden calf account in Exodus 32.]

A sacred cow is something we place our ultimate identity in instead of Christ. Pastor Kevin expounded on sacred cows in the church such as youth group, senior citizens class, AWANA club, or nursery. Some church members will worship these structures or formats instead of using them as tools to be more like Christ. All of these things are good things, but idols are formed when we place ultimate value on something that is not.

As a wife & mom, I started thinking about the sacred cows that I might be harboring in my heart with regard to my home. I take great pride in my home and in caring for my husband and children. However, what could easily become an idol in my life? What sacred cows are hiding out in my home? What sacred cows are hiding out in yours?

Here are a few cows to think about & consider:

1) Cleanliness
There is a saying "Cleanliness is next to godliness."While I appreciate a clean house (see previous post), is my idol of cleanliness interfering with my relationship to my children? Am I more concerned about the state of their rooms than the state of their hearts? Am I inhibiting their free play and passions because I am trying to make a good impression? They are my first houseguests - they are only here a while (a very long while, but a short time nonetheless). Am I making my home a place for them to enjoy?

2) Schooling Methods
Am I making an idol of the schooling method I choose for my children? Am I critical towards others for the decisions they make for their families? Do I believe all public-educated children are hoodlums or all homeschooled children are socially stunted? For a great blog on this subject check out http://writingandliving.net/2013/04/24/homeschool-versus-public-school-a-few-thoughts/#comment-14156

3) Organized sports/activities
Of course every parent wants their child to excel at something, whether it is art, cooking, music, or sports (to name a few). However, is your ambition for your child's passion helpful or harmful? What kind of message are you sending them about how important these activities or sports rank on your list of priorities? Are you more concerned about how many wins their team has or about how they handle the disappointment of losing? Are you taking your children out of church community to join a more important sports community? (PS - a note to dads: don't live vicariously through your child's sports. It's pathetic, really.)

4) Food
Ah, this is a big one. Are we making food a sacred cow in our homes? Food is good. Food is excellent. Jesus ate with his disciples several times throughout scripture. Jesus fed the five thousand (and more) at least twice. He ate with the sinners, the harlots and the tax collectors. Food is a ministry. Churches have food pantries, most have fellowship meals, and donuts in Sunday school. In the past two decades though, it seems like there have been sacred cows concerning food cropping up in our homes (so many food puns, lol). Organic this, vegan that. Don't give your kid fruit snacks or he will be obese the rest of his life. Don't you know what's in those things?! With food, there are often two extremes. One is worshipping the belly and giving it whatever it wants, whenever it wants, without any restraint whatsoever. The other extreme is becoming so strict with your diet that nobody wants to have your judgmental self over for dinner. Lets be honest. Are we to be responsible with our food? Yes, absolutely. Our body is given to us by God and we should be gracious stewards of it. On the other hand, are our food choices interfering with the ability to fellowship with our Christian brothers and sisters? Are we really going to break fellowship over whether we eat at whole foods market or McDonald's for dinner? What about our children? Will they see us lusting after food and stuffing our bellies with our idol, unable to practice self control in this area of our lives? Will they become resentful toward us for thinking they shouldn't eat any high fructose corn syrup whatsoever or they might die? Are we putting our children's health up high on a pedestal when they are fallen, frail, dying creatures who need Jesus more than anything? Food won't save our children. Feeding them the exact right diet won't prolong their lives an instant longer than God graciously allows them to live.

So lets eat, drink and be merry to the glory of God, for yesterday we were dead!

Cleaning Lists & Such

Disclaimer: This post may not apply to everyone, but I hope it proves helpful to those who are in the same position as me. 

I will admit it: I LOVE a clean house. I love cleaning my house. I love seeing things converted from disorderly & chaotic to clean & organized. That being said, I have been struggling with the feeling of needing to thoroughly clean my whole house every single day, and feeling unorganized and discouraged at the end of everyday when it isn't done because it is CLEARLY an unrealistic goal. 

I was trying to think of a way to effectively streamline cleaning my house with two very young chillens running around & needing me at random times throughout the day. Obviously anything that gets done is undone in a matter of five minutes (or even less, if we are being truly realistic). I have come up with a weekly list of making sure I thoroughly tackle each room at least once a week. 

The strategy: 

1) Write down things that need to be done on a daily basis & also a weekly basis. 
(Since we live in a small apartment, I don't have things that need to be done monthly, but I am sure I will when we move into a house.)

2) Write down the days of the week. 

3) REALISTICALLY (according to your family's schedule & needs) put down specific chores to be done each day of the week, so that your whole house is cleaned every week - just maybe not all at the same time! ;)

Now, I just did my list two days ago, so I haven't completed a whole week yet. It may be a complete failure. We shall see. But if this helps anyone in the slightest, I will feel accomplished (even if I don't feel accomplished in cleaning my house - ha). 

Here's my list as an example: 

Daily tasks: 

• Make Beds
• Tidy
• Dishes
• Vacuum high-traffic areas
• Fill Humidifiers

Weekly tasks: 

Monday: 

• Laundry Day
• Change sheets on all beds
• Clean bathrooms (toilet in/out, floor, counter, mirror)
• Clean kitchen/foyer floor
• Disinfect kitchen countertop/dining room table
• Deep clean/organize* kitchen & living room & living room closets

Tuesday: 

• Dust living room
• Dust bedrooms
• Sort mail/pay bills/file
• Gather all trash & carry to dumpster
• Deep clean/organize* bedroom & closet

Wednesday: 

• Baths/Pamper day (trimming nails, hair cuts, etc.)
• Deep clean/organize* boys' room & closet

Thursday: 

• Laundry Day
• Bathe Dallas
• Clean bathtub
• Clean bathroom surfaces
• Deep clean/organize* bathrooms & linen closet

Friday: 

• Cleaning catch-up day
• Grocery/Errands Day

Saturday: 

• Baths 
• Prepare for church

Sunday: 

• Rest :)

*Deep clean/organize means moving furniture to fully vacuum, making sure everything is organized in its place & also purging at least one thing from the room/closet

(Disclaimer #43: We bathe more than twice a week but the baths written are set in stone to prepare for church - more of a "deep clean" if you will!)