A Man's Man

I have been blessed these past four years to be married to a man's man.

He is by no means perfect (obviously), but he is a stand-up guy, and a great husband and father. I tell him all of this in real life by the way, but he never believes me.

I debated writing this post because husband-lauding and wife-lauding is usually overdone and exaggerated, and mostly untrue, and the people doing it are usually overcompensating for something they are lacking in their real life, so they make up for it on social media.

I decided to go ahead and write this post, not because I don't have anything better to do, but because I have seen so many examples of wimpy men lately, and my husband is so NOT a wimpy man, that I think he should be an example (which he is in real life, of course).

Here is what a man's man does:

He provides.
No ifs, ands, or buts. Scripture says the man who does not provide for his own family is worse than an unbeliever. I have been blessed to have a man that views this seriously, and he doesn't ever expect me to work outside the home if I don't want to. He squarely shoulders the responsibility of putting food on the table, of bringing home the bacon so to speak. He has a job that he loves, and has worked hard to get where he is today. A family should be able to live off of a man's salary, and the wife's income, if any, should be supplemental only. (Let the criticism begin!)

He protects.
Many people think of this as non-applicable unless someone is physically trying to hurt your family. That is untrue. Protecting means guarding your family not only physically from harm's way, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Of course my husband locks the doors when he leaves in the morning, drives carefully, sleeps on the side of the bed closest to the door, and would be the first line of defense if someone were to break into our house. But to protect something is not largely defensive; it's offensive, it's aggressive. It's the act of preparing and already taking care of something so that when disaster does strike, tragedy doesn't happen. For example, you put a case around your phone so that when it does inevitably drop down concrete stairs, your phone is protected and not broken. You don't catch the phone while it is falling and place a case around it, you know? Real men protect their woman and children by shielding the blows of the outside world and preparing them (mostly with good theology) to handle disaster.

He servant-leads. 
This is a tricky one, but very biblical. He leads by serving. Through serving, he shows true and great leadership. I see my man servant-leading in the church and at home everyday. Serving comes in many different forms and looks different for every family, but it ultimately means putting the needs of others above his own. In our home, serving me means eating out sometimes so I don't have to worry about cooking and cleaning up dinner after a long day with the kids, or watching the boys for me so I can shower, or clean, or run errands. One time it meant after we had a fight, he still brought home my very favorite kind of bagel, because it was a way to serve me. It showed he still valued me and put me above his own self even when he didn't "feel" like it.

He disciples.
This is a big one. This is a HUGE one. My lovely man's man told me just the other day, "I don't care if I hurt your feelings because I am trying to disciple you and that is more important than your feelings." Ouch. And you know what? He is right. I needed to hear that, because I am his absolute number one disciple. If my feelings are going to be hurt that he calls out my sin where he sees it, then that needs to happen. Killing sin is more important than my feelings. He also disciples his children. He teaches us good theology through conversation and by example. How does he handle life? We are teaching our oldest son that it is not okay to whine. We are not raising wimpy men. Men need to be strong and tough, because (see above) they need to provide and protect their families.

His identity is found in Christ.
This is not only the cause for all of the above, but for many other things as well. My man's man is well-grounded. He has GREAT theology. The things of this world may shake him, but they never knock him down because he has a firm foundation. Since his identity is in Christ, he never expects me to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his children to live up to perfection. He doesn't expect his job, his schooling, his house, his car, his bank account, his schedule, or hobbies to live up to perfection. He knows that only Jesus is perfect and he can rest in Him. His joy is complete, being found in Christ and His work on the cross.

My man's man does not complain. He does not whine. He does not feel entitled. He is honest. He is transparent. He works hard. He mans up and takes on responsibility. He cares for us.  He is strong, but he is tender. He loves us fiercely. He pictures Christ to his family, to his church, and to the world.

What more could a woman ask for?